The Moment When Time Froze
We all would have at least loved once in our life. As the saying goes ‘Loving is the greatest happiness of the heart and being loved is it’s the greatest treasure’.
There is this one moment (maybe more) in our lives where it will shine so bright throughout time. A part of our memory that will be next to impossible to rewrite. Not because it may be a happy one. Mostly it’ll induce a lot of pain along with a chain of other memories. Maybe a chain reaction of memories triggered and you may even end up shedding tears or even weeping. But it will never be characterized as a bad memory nor the one you wish to forget forever. It’s the sort of one that makes you truly humane. So enough of the bla bla bla, let’s come to me.
So back in 2014, when I was in 9th, I met a girl. I always thought she was the one. The girl I loved the most to date. So after 8th grade, I got shuffled into a new class and most of them were strangers and I was an introvert. Not the one who always keeps to himself but the one with very few friends. Not bad but a little pathetic (Chuckles the present me on my past self). So making new friends took time. A lot.
So one day I was absent for a social studies test (not important but), so on the day of the retest, I met a fellow absentee girl. Since it was just 3 or 4 students in the class after the exam I got time to speak to her, like about the exam and stuff and her name. So we had a good bonding then itself. (Yeah… she was the first girl I talked to for years after this girls boys things in school). What I had failed to understand then was the strong force between us. So we started talking during breaks and even sat at adjacent desks. She was very special to me. I thought I was to her too (Silly me ). Whenever there was a joke or when everyone was laughing, I used to look at her to see her smile. Every time somebody cracks jokes, the first thing I do is to look at her. To see her mesmerizing smile.
There were times when we sat apart, like at opposite ends of the class. So one day during class I just took a glance at her. I was surprised to see her just looking at me. That moment I felt a sensation I had never felt before. It felt like nothing else mattered. Everything was frozen. Just made me store those beautiful eyes in my memory forever. But without giving any further eye contact I turned back. But then again I saw her looking at me. Just that constant position. After a few days of class, I understood that this wasn’t an isolated event. For most of the boring periods ( ie expect maths and science), she did this. So one day when she was looking at me, I kept looking back. I looked deeply into her eyes, but I realised that she didn’t even realise that I was looking at her. Lost in her world she kept looking and looking.
Maybe she loved me, maybe not. I can’t tell for sure. Sometimes I think she did and sometimes I don’t. Guess I’ll never find out. But all that ever matters to me is that I loved her from my heart.
Even after 6 years, these memories visit me and reliving those moments, thinking about how everything would have turned if I had talked to her about my feelings. If I had proposed to her if she had accepted it… All these thoughts still amuse me and sometimes even haunts me! (Yeah call me old school but even now I am a little afraid of love and relationships.) But that’s when I recall how much I loved her. The 15-year-old girl that the 15-year-old me fell in love with. Even now I want the poor kid (the 15-year-old me) to find love in her. And the best (or worst) thing is how the song Photograph (Ed Sheeran) brings alive all these memories and makes me want to look back on our grade 10 class Photograph.
“We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time’s forever frozen still”
After all these years when I see couples in my college, I sometimes feel jealous (guilty, I know). But they always take me back to those good old times. Where all these emotions and love will always live on. Without corruption. Without alteration. Without trying to make it perfect.
After all, it’s these memories, how tiny may it be, builds us. Makes us what we are. The creation itself is the love of God. What are we without love?
Just keep moving and find that special one, as they say, an Adaar Love. And move mountains and split seas for that person because you love each other and nothing is stronger than love.
So I am concluding this by altering what Dr Erskine said to Steve Rogers:
‘A man who never got back the love he gave, knows the true value of love, and knows… That true love is selfless.’
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