The Scars: Part 1/3
You’ll never forget your First love. It’ll be with you forever, but first love is only the first and it may not be the best one.
I wanted to share my story of untold love, inspiring me to write ‘The moment when Time Froze’. If you haven’t read it please do:
After writing this, I received a lot of positive comments and questions further into the story. Thus I am throwing more light into my story. It was a part of my life where I was having a lot of changes happening around me. It was all new to me and well …. it is my story of how I fell in love and how it made me into what I am.
I was an introvert then who was, afraid of talking to girls. Even sitting a bit next to them would give me chills. But there is always a yin to yang. I met her in 9th grade. She was the girl I talked to the most then. I cleared her doubts in math and she gave me her other notes to refer to. We had a strong bond. We were of the same religion and caste, so even no problem with marriage, I used to think. But I never confessed my love to her and I am still not sure she loved me. I thought I could talk to her after the 10 board exams but I couldn’t as she left for another school. I informed her about the MLA award she was eligible for. I waited there to meet her, unfortunately, we didn’t meet and I never saw her after 10. I called on her dad’s contact more times than I am proud of, but she was unavailable was the only reply I ever got. I waited for months hoping she’ll start a FB account and even waited months for her reply but no.
In 2019 I learned that she had an Instagram account and messaged her and a couple more messages after that, none to which no reply. She posts occasionally and has been online multiple times when I messaged. Well maybe her dad might have got a hunch that I like her and might have warned her against me, but I am not sure. I might not be in love with her now but I do miss her. I miss one of my best friends at school and I hope we meet soon. I hope one day I could tell her how much I loved her back then and to know if it was mutual because closure is something I have been looking for a long time.
There were a lot of reasons why I didn’t confess my love when in school. I was afraid she would reject me. It could have ruined our 10th and our friendship so I was damn afraid. But there was a stronger reason, inferiority complex. I thought I was unworthy, that I didn’t deserve her, that I wasn’t good enough and I was also self-conscious about being a fatty kid. So from there onwards, I was on a path to be better, to be worthy, to be more than good enough for her, so that one day when I proposed to her, she wouldn’t reject me. This has ignited a fire in me to be better every day. A fire to this date is burning so bright, and how it all happened is just history.
Continued in:
